Welcome, or at least I hope I can welcome you to this page...

Below are four scans of a letter I received today (June 30, 2005) from a company which names itself LVAAP (must be the real name since they ask for a check and you need to deposit it, right?)

If you read even just a tiny bit, you will see that the English isn't so good. Yet, people not like me who are used to speak that English usually don't notice.

Now I got an email from someone in England saying that she also received a similar letter from the same people but with a return address in Florida (which is certainly okay if they get the money from another country.) I put her email at the end of this page.

Okay... what's wrong?! Many things as I list below:

What would a smart person do when he/she knows the name of the company. Search for it! So there is LVAAP and the full name: Las Vegas, Nevada Actionable Award Program. The return address goes to Las Vegas. This means the company is probably registered in Las Vegas, or at least in Nevada (and with such a name...). So I searched using the Nevada search web site:

https://esos.state.nv.us/SOSServices/AnonymousAccess/CorpSearch/CorpSearch.aspx

And I didn't find anything about that company. So... how do they cash the checks? Not too sure, but the LVAAP must be some sort of a personal name or the abbreviated name of a much different company name. Note that since this is a scam, the people behind it probably wouldn't want to go into the trouble of creating a company.

According to a BBB in Texas, there would be an incorporated company in Las Vegas, NV. I searched some more (May 2006) and I still couldn't find them... I'm not too sure what the BBB has possibly found. Note that businesses which are terminated remain in the record.

1. Sworn to Secrecy -- all the company which offer big prizes that I've seen ask me to sign a paper so they can make it public that I won...
2. Absolutely Confidential -- how many people have I seen on TV who had won 1 million or more? not too confidential, hey?
3. Marketing Imaging -- I suppose I have to imaging that there is a company of that name somewhere?
4. Drawn to (Four Prized Names) -- I'm drawn to their idiocicrazy...
5. Four Prized Names -- Hey! Am I lucky! My named was prized! Ha... so that means I didn't actually win a prize, right?
6. Name No. 1 -- Wow... I like to be No. 1. But why am I number one? I look below and three other people won more than I... Is there something wrong?
7. Address -- One thing they got right. My address. Including the bar code at the top of my name. I removed it so you don't get here...
8. Sworn Confidential -- Nice star... but now I'm lost. Who's sworning confidentiallity to whom now?!
9. Privileged Privacy -- Interesting. I receive a letter I never asked for and that's a privilege...
10. Right Contract -- This is indeed a contract. Hmmm... the rules are written in bad English. And by the way, which rules?! Should I read on?
11. Prized Record -- is that a record company sending information about a really famous vinyl? I don't have a player for vinyls...
12. Non-Governmental Agencies Report(s) -- Well?! How many governmental agencies are giving prizes away? Hmmmm... There is one: the lottery. I could talk about it, by the way. Okay, let's not do it here. That's not a good time. Is the lottery reporting to us like this?
13. Table -- so... if I get it right, I'm the only one who didn't receive the prize yet. That's probably because for only 3.3 million it isn't worth it. I wanted the 5.4 millions. Ha! Something else, I've been entering a few sweepstakes and the maximum you could win was 1 million. So if I missed one which was 3.3 + 5.4 + 4.3 + 5.5, I think I'm gonna cry.
14. 3,341,006.00 -- two errors here: (a) the amount includes 6 dollars; got a good laugh here already; (b) and guess what, they put the cents... you know, in case 3 millions wasn't enough, you may want an extra 50 cents. I don't think I've ever seen a sweepstake mentioning even thousands when they offer over US $100,000...
15. Congratulations -- for what? did I miss something else? again?!
16. No 1. Alexis Wilke restrictive -- Am I restrictive? This sounds like an interesting sentence to put in a letter that you send to a winner.
17. Tell Nobody! -- Hmmm... okay, I won't tell my wife. I'll try to hide my bank account because she could notice I have an extra 3 million dollars. Just in case, I may open another bank account and give the bank a different address. I'll just make up one.
18. Congrats from all of us -- He thinks of himself as "us", that's a good business practice. I've done that before. Sounds like you're many. It remains me of a French movie with two cops which goes like this:
    - Gee's, we're been attacked by 10 bad guys;
    - Make them believe we're more than them;
    - Okay chief: [and he yells:] "Watch Out! We're numerous my collegue and I!".
19. been trying to reach you -- Well, at last I heard of them...
20. This is a day you *may* remember for the rest of your life -- That's too bad. I think that if I make 3.3 million today, I may forget about it. Thought, I may not be too sad, I'll have a little bit to have a drink for a few days.
21. Postmarked/Prioritized -- Isn't that lame. The postmark is actually INSIDE the envelop. If you look at it closely, it is marked on two days. Postmark on two days. Hello! And I have a copy of the envelop below. The dates in the envelop are 25/26 of June. The actual postmark is Jun 27 2005. Prioritized. I received the later on Jun 30, so it certainly was fast, I had letters arrive in a week from within the same city (i.e. San Franscico to not name it). They stamp was 29 cents. I'm not sure, but I think you need to pay more for priority.
22. Restricted Communication -- That may explain why I couldn't find the rules.
23. Actionable award program -- So, if I understand, the program will soon be sold to someone else for a to be determined price. What program? My 3.3 millions? How much do you think someone would pay at an auction for 3.3 millions. Haaaaaa... Sorry, I misread! It's "Action"-"able". Okay, I don't understand the sentence. What action. What award. What program. What?!
24. Name of Contractor -- LVAAP -- Got it! That's the name of the company. What on Earth? That's number CC505JAA. One thing about Nevada, your name doesn't need to appear on the papers. Well, maybe justice should still have an eye on these papers.
25. Drawn Prized Name -- again... I have a really cute name.
26. Approximate amount -- Ha! That must be why there is this 6 dollars floating. 3 million and 6 bucks. That's quite approximate. Ha! By the way, I do approximate the other way around. So if I receive 3,000,006 dollars, I'd say that the approximation is about 2.9 million. Oh! No! 3.1 million. Well, okay, I'm really not that good at math.
27. Absolutly confirmed -- That's it. I had to read all of that to know that my prize was actually confirmed. I was really wondering whether I'd get these 3,000,006 dollars.
28. Entry Contract Status -- Ooops I missed that one! Just kidding, I'm just having fun here. Yes. So the "Contact" is a "Contract" which ensures you a "Status" in the "Entry". Or something. Don't ask me what. Oh well... if you want to ask me what, you can.
29. For Contactee On Record -- I'm a contactee. And he has a record of me. Interesting. Hey! That means it's for me!
30. hereinafter referred to as -- No caps on the last part of the sentence. Referred to as like maybe me liking your talking like that to me. Please, continue.
31. DATE OF DEDICATED CONFIRMED STATUS -- Pffffffffffffff! A little more, and I'd think my status was not too dedicated to me. You know, in case this private letter was talking about a dedicated status of a boat or a spaceshop (or spaceship even).
32. 25TH DAY OF JUNE, 2005 -- Looks like the guy read one contract in his life and he learned another way to write down the dates. The one good thing (hey! I can also make compliments, right?!) is that this date is darn close to the posting date. So that can make me believe I'll get my 3 millions sooner. No soonish. Well soon, I said.
33. After Recording, Rush Via Prioritized Mail To -- Hmmm. I have to reply in their BUSINESS REPLY MAIL envelop, but I have to make sure it is a priotized mail?! Oh! No... That's when they reply to me. Ho yeah... this is a contract.
34. Priviledge Privacy Rights Contract Document Attached -- Ha! The contract is the bottom part. Okay. Now I get it. And only one copy. Interesting. Need to sign and stuff. Especially I need to swear that I won't tell anybody that I sent them US $20. Especially not my wife!
35. (of utmost priority) -- Urgent? Maybe?
36. LVAAP is a service offered to our customers ... -- Ha! LVAAP is not a company. It's a service. What customers already?
37. that provides information on available sweepstakes -- How strange! I thought I just won 3 million. Now you just give me information. That's becoming suspicious.
38. Subscribers are solely responsible ... -- I thought you didn't subscribe to sweepstakes. You enter them.
39. responsible for investigating ... -- I'm doing just that right now... he! he! he! I must be a responsible guy.
40. ... any and all rules ... -- Oh! No! That's the rules I have to investigate. I instead investigated this LVAAP company. Silly me!
41. The contents of our newsletters ... -- Lost again. What news and what letters?! Ha! Maybe I'm reading a letter. Since the bottom part is the contract. Let me see. This is to be super confidential. And they call it a newsletters. Something else I should question?!
42. Liability for any mistake or typographical error ... -- He gives himself a few responsabilities. That's good to hear.
43. ... is limited to a full refund ... -- That makes sense. By the way, where do I call to get a refund for my dislike of the product? Let's read on.
44. ... of the purchase price of the publication. -- So the $20 is actually to buy a publication. The newsletters, of course! So this letter is not the newsletter. I'm now reading a letter which offers me a newsletter. What is that newsletter about? All the Americans who won $3 million? Or those who lost 20 bucks maybe?
45. LVAAP has no association -- I'm glad that the guy isn't screwing another company. That'd be bad, right?
46. with any particular -- so he has no friends either. Good! That is I'm not too surprised.
47. ... sponsor -- ha... no specific sponsor. Okay.
48. of any sweepstakes or contest. -- So if I think I am following that sentence or something like that, I suppose this means they don't know whether I won the 3 million dollars. After all, if they have nothing to do with the sweepstakes, how the hell did they get my private mailing address, the fact that I'm NAME NO. 1 and that I still didn't get my prize. And ssshhhhhhhhhhh! This is totally confidential. Remember? So please, don't tell your friends. No! Don't. Listen to me: look at that star logo at the top right: right to privacy. I don't want you to know that I made 3 million in this letter.
49. No such ... should be inferred or implied -- I suppose the previous sentence wasn't enough. If I have no affiliation, and no affiliation, then maybe you'll believe me.
50. 213-693b J1C2_E -- The guy keeps good track of his documents. That looks better than what my attorney does. I'll mention that to him (my attorney). Maybe we should change to this.
51. Code Bar -- 5007395024 -- nice nice nice. I suppose we can find some codebar generators on the Internet. Is this my 3 million dollar number? Probably not. Oh! Look, it's on the bottom part. The contract. Yeah! The contract. It has the same number. Now I'm safe. I know this is legitimate and plus I have a number to keep track of my entering -- no -- subscribing to this newsletters.
52. Detach & return -- Nice sentence. Must have been copied straight from another letter.
53. I am the Alexis Wilke ... -- He is the Joe Smith who thinks that he found the miracle solution to his financial problem. Well, I am Alexis Wilke.
54. aforementioned by the Contractor -- Indeed, in the letter, the contractor mentioned my name. Not in the contract though. Ha! The what? Contractor? I've been working as a contractor. His that guy working for me as a contractor? Is that why I have to send him some money?
55. to be henceforth referred to as "LVAAP" -- Okay. I'm not an attorney, but I've read several hundred contracts. I don't recall henceforth. Maybe I didn't yet read enough contracts. Ha! By the way, the Contractor is LVAAP. Interesting. isn't that supposed to go the other way around. I think I'm really lost now...
56. I've legally been accorded entry-into-contract-status -- Hmmmm... Do you know of someone who lost their right in entering a contract? Maybe people who don't have enough brain to make their own choices. Unfortunatly, such people live among us. That is, their disease or accident is very unfortunate. However, I don't think that even them can't enter a contract. They may need to have someone else sign for them. Anyway... I like the dashes between the words. That makes it totally look like a contract to me.
57. (which can't be withdrawn for any reason except failure of a timely response) -- Ouch! So I'm just swearing that I have rights and this guy can take it away just 'cuz I'm lazy and answer two or three months later?! I was just wondering who didn't have legal rights to enter a contract. Now I know. People who are late at work. That's me. I'm late nearly every day...
58. NAME NO 1. for the following CONFIRMED PRIZES -- Dung! Now, me, I wanted a newsletter. Not a confirmed prize. Oh! Wait! There is a good news: it's plurial! I will have several prizes confirmed. So, I hope the others are in the millions too.
59. ... -- Nice. a '...' in a letter. No! No! No! This is the contract. So... maybe... I'll... sign it!
60. this date of dedicated confirmed status -- He's back! My confirmed status. And it's dedicated just for me. Well, at least on this date. Who knows what will happen tomorrow.
61. over the reviewed Status Report Entitlement -- over the dedicated, reviewed, confirmed, gold, no, platinium, status report with green edges.
62. as still UNCOLLECTED BY -- Yeah! I know. I need to get really quick otherwise they will give my price to some other jerk. This could be you, you know. Oh! Sorry, you're not a jerk.
63. Please put Response by me ... -- I heard Stand by me before. I think it was in a song. I'm putting a respond up on this website already. Dunno if you will get it though and it's very likely that you won't read up to here anyway, so let me tell you that I won't put the response by you. For that I'd need to know where you are, go there and place the response next to you. Get it?
64. ... on record and immediately expedite report-release ... -- Ooops! Once more I cut the sentence at the wrong place. They put my response on record (my response is equivalent to Response by me, right? I think, it is. Well, please, respond to me so I know for sure!). Okay, so I messed up with the previous sentence. What about this one. Immediately expedite -- I'll teach you a word today [no, not you, the other guy] pleonasm. That's it. Though most marketers do the same, this is a contract. Darn. Okay... what about this report-release? This sounds like a report which is a release of information and not 3 million dollars. Or maybe that will be a report on how to get the 20 dollars back?
65. report-release re said U.S. dollar amount -- re. Hey! Sounds like a French guy. re. He! He! That's funny. This is used to said 'hello again'. In real life as much as on IRC. Okay, so the guy can't write 'regarding' in full. But that's probably not necessary in a contract. Pleonasms are better. They rock.
66. IMPORTANT -- this must be the important part.
67. Alexis Wilke CHECK ONE BOX. -- Okay...
68. I swear: ... -- This is a really good one, but only good English writers (not me...) will get it. So I will swear for a few minutes... or I'll try... because right now I'm laughing... For sure, I won't sware.
69. [*] I have [*] I have not received the monies -- Really lost this time. I want a newsletter, remember? What monies are you talking about? Also, for a contract, to have to check a boxmark, that's interesting. Well, banks are doing it too. And I could talk about banks too.
70. report-release fee of $20 -- Feeeeeew! I finally got it! The guy wants $20. Well, police is not likely to pursue someone who gets $20 out of your pocket. So that's a very good price. 1000 idiots answer your mail. You get $20,000 a month. That's a pretty good business when you don't have to pay taxes. Now, I'd think the police would still be after him if he manage to get this many replies. But guess what... I've seen other messages about LVAAP and these are several months old. So the police is a bitty bit slow, I think. Let's wait for him to get several millions and we'll look into it again. By the way, I know of someone who was driving with an expired driver license and he had his car removed and had to pay several fees to get around the problem. Also, the insurance got more expensive. This is a lot more fun for cops. To me, it makes more sense to make sure that people have a driver license up to date, because if you knew how to drive last month, you probably forgot this month. But $20 scams, that's totally fine.
71. My signature appears -- This is magical. Usually, I sign. My signature rarely appears...
72. to the right X -- That's better! I don't have to actually sign. I can just mark the page with an X. Right? X?
73. Today's date -- I've seen lots of places where you sign and put the date. Not just contracts. Note that if I look at this document in a month, it will say that today's date is one month ago. Do you follow me? Maybe I should put a date in the future. Or use some of that magic and have the date change automatically, every day, as time goes by.
74. RETURN DOCUMENT IN PREPAID ENVELOPE PROVIDED NOW -- That's my total luck. The envelope is not provided the next day or at the store. It's provided now.
75. THI IS OF UTMOST PRIORITY -- That's funny. This is actually correct it seems. Well, I'd still write of utmost importance. Actually, it could be that we need to work on this right away. I did. It's on this page now.

     

Gee's! You're crazy or you just skipped all of these writings to see the images?!

The accompagnying letter. That's where the fun starts.
(Click to read the high quality image, but really only if you want to read it)

(Click to read the high quality image, but really only if you want to read it)
The contract that you have to sign. You should check with your lawyer first. You can't sign contracts just like that. Always get legal advice.

(Click to read the high quality image, but really only if you want to read it)
The two interesting parts. The envelops, like the letters look very professional. Actually, the top one can be done with a simple laser printer. However, the BUSINESS REPLY MAIL, if it is a legal 'postage will be paid by addressee', then the guy has access and/or paid the actual right to get permit 154. Or would that be the permit of another company which will be charged for the posting. And the PO Box would then be the only thing which can connect us to him... Note that there is even the barcode at the bottom. Hmmm... maybe there is a website where you can get these envelop 'incognito'. Isn't the post office controlling who gets permits and when such an envelop is being used, whether it is legitimate?

(Click to read the high quality image, but really only if you want to read it)
Just to show that the guy wants to make sure you put your $20 bill. Most certainly, preferably a bill or money order. He possibly throws away checks or cashes them in some 2nd zone part of town (sorry, Las Vegas doesn't have such a zone, it's probably in the town next door).

LVAAP scam in Uk

Hi,
  I'm from the U.K. and received a letter from National Awards Chapter of Global Cash Authority saying I had won 2,157,003.40 ! They asked me to send US $20 for my client release form for publicity, etc. ! After some research I now know that it is the same people as LVAAP ! I saw your scanned letters and hey! Guess what? The writing is the same ! The post mark was from Las Vegas but the return address on envelope is:

    Global Cash Authority
    PO Box 025600
    Ft Lauderdale FL 33102-5600
            USA

I just thought I would drop you a line and let you know that they are now trying to con us here in the UK ! Many Thanks

signature removed.